Be interested, not interesting

Humans are social creatures that rely on cooperation to survive and thrive. We want to be liked. We’re engineered that way.

But we’re confused about the formula.

We think we’ll be liked, maybe even loved, if we accomplish the right things. Go to the right schools. Live in the right zip code and vacation in the right places. If we get published or promoted. If we’re well mannered and wear the right clothes and associate with the right people. If we tell the right jokes and smile at the right times. If we get tenure. Or if we get elected.

If we can get all that right, we’ll be interesting. We might even be the most charming conversation at every cocktail party.

But it’s not that complicated.

We don’t have to check all the right boxes or be all that interesting to endear ourselves to other humans. We just have to be sincerely interested in them. In their stories and dreams. In their families and values. In what they’re reading and thinking about. In what drives and delights them.

Ask questions. Listen to understand, not to respond. Then ask follow up questions. Remember names. Don’t fake it. Actually care.

We don’t have to be interesting.

Just interested.