What could I have done differently?

Sometimes people let us down.

They leave us. Or lie to us. Or betray our trust.

And we respond with anger. Or disappointment. Or frustration. And we feel like whatever happened was the other person’s fault.

Sometimes it is.

But here’s a thought exercise I learned from Derek Sivers. When we catch ourselves blaming someone else, we can try assuming whatever happened was our fault.

How does our perspective change?

A key employee quits at a bad time? My fault. I didn’t do enough to create opportunities for professional growth.

A friend or family member lies to us? I wonder why they felt like they had to lie. How have I helped create a dynamic where they were afraid of telling me the truth?

A politician lets us down? I should get more involved and fix it myself.

It can be empowering. Because if everything is our fault, maybe we have the power to prevent the same thing from happening again. We can learn and grow.

Because here’s the thing.

Employees quit. People lie. Politicians break campaign promises.

None of this should surprise us.

When someone lets us down, we can shake our fist and blame them. But it’s more liberating. And empowering. To think, “this may have been my fault.”

The moment we take responsibility, we can ask, “What could I have done differently?”