The smooth handle
The Graff House, Philadephia, PA. In a parlor room on the second floor, this is where Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence.
Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were frenemies.
They had different visions for America. Adams believed in a strong central government. Jefferson argued for states’ rights.
They fought, sometimes bitterly. At one point refusing to speak for 12 years. But they respected each other. And they maintained a friendship that lasted five decades until the two American presidents both died within hours of each other on the same day.
July 4, 1826.
The 50th birthday of the country they founded together.
Many historians believe their philosophical differences strengthened the ideas woven into our founding documents.
They lifted each other up.
In June, 1776, Thomas Jefferson was 33 years old. He spent three weeks in a rented room on the second floor of a red brick house on the corner of Seventh and Market in Philadelphia drafting the Declaration of Independence.
Probably his most famous piece.
But that’s not all he wrote.
The Thomas Jefferson Papers at the Library of Congress include more than 27,000 documents. And one of them is a letter to his 12-year old granddaughter.
In 1811, Jefferson wrote twelve rules of conduct to Cornelia. Some instructions for life:
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.
Never spend your money before you have it.
Never buy what you do not want.
Take care of your cents. Dollars will take care of themselves!
Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold.
We never repent of having eaten too little.
Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened.
Take things always by their smooth handle.
Think as you please, and so let others, and you will have no disputes.
When annoyed, count ten, before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
Pretty good rules. Hard to argue with them, even if Jefferson himself sometimes fell short.
But of the twelve rules, the most confusing might be #10. Take things always by their smooth handle.
No one knows for sure what Jefferson meant. Scholars have different interpretations. But most agree it’s a nod to the Greek philosopher, Epictetus, who said:
“Every event has two handles, one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. If your brother does you wrong, don’t grab it by his wronging, because this is the handle incapable of lifting it. Instead, use the other—that he is your brother, that you were raised together, and then you will have hold of the handle that carries.”
I think Jefferson included #10 because of his relationship with Adams.
When we find ourselves in conflict, we should look for the good. The good in the person who happens to see things differently. The good in the opportunity to consider another perspective.
We can acknowledge the conflict, but we should remember the relationship is more than that.
We should take things by their smooth handle. The handle strengthened by the values we share and the common ground we stand on.
Even in conflict, we may carry one another.
And lift each other up.
